In 2023, I found myself praying for clarity, a lot. I used the word “clarity” because there were things I couldn’t see or couldn’t/didn’t quite accept because it didn’t make sense. I also used the word clarity because it’s a common word. Even in my prayers, I ask for my path to be illuminated so I can see. I’ve found it to be a common theme in my life.
But as I’m awake this early morning and just saw 3:33 (I’m a lover of Angel numbers) I recognize that God granted my prayers. I can see. I can see what is happening within my family. I can see the back-workings of my company. I can see my new purpose in teaching through books, I can see what happens if I don’t manage my stress levels and the impact on my physical health. I can see my money and spending differently. And I can even see the direction of some of my friends and relationships. I can see. And it feels good. Maybe like a miracle because the exact prayer has been answered.
But one of the side effects of clarity is anxiousness or paralysis. Have you ever watched a TV commercial and a medication is advertised? The visuals show a person who was down and out, then they took this miracle medication and the sky was brighter, they smiled broader, and their happiness was bolder. And while you’re looking at all the WONDERful transformations, you also hear about all the scary side effects. Liver failure, heart murmurs, single-side blindness, depression, and even death. It makes you wonder, is it worth it. If I can take this medication, is it worth the side effects?
For me, it depends.
This miracle medication of Clarity came with the side effect of anxiousness for me. Here, I’d like to note that just because one feels anxious does not mean they have a diagnosis of anxiety. At some point, people began to use mental health diagnostic terms interchangeably with feelings and it’s cause an issue in the mental health world because people are attempting to diagnose and treat themselves based on feelings that may not be permanent or even physical health or nutrition that is contributing to mental health issues. While that’s not the topic at hand, I’d be remiss to not add “clarity” to the difference between feeling anxious and having anxiety. The former is temporary, situational, fleeting, and self-manageable. The latter creates disorder in one’s life, inhibits functionality, is longer lasting and requires expert treatment.
In my case, I felt anxious while gaining clarity. The messages were coming in clear. Things were starting to make sense even if these “things” weren’t relatively positive. I saw where the gaps were, where information was missing, where miscommunication or misunderstanding (remember these are 2 different things- look at the previous blog) occurred, where I needed to grow and what was good and needed to remain untouched. My anxiousness set in when I begin to think about all that I must do with this clarity… with this clear information. I began to think: Am I supposed to act on this one? Sit and be silent on that one? Delay here? Or move there?
The miracle of clarity occurred but so did so many additional thoughts and questions.
Here, like with many of my clients, friends, and family, people have to make a decision on what to do with the clarity they receive. Do they act, wait, sit, or become paralyzed (similar to turning a blind eye… but that “turning” piece is an action too).
So, where I am going here is: with the miracle of clarity, I experienced feelings of anxiousness, and decided to act on some of the messages received. For instance:
I will restructure the format of Onyx’s budget. Instead of an annual and monthly budget, we will have a weekly and daily budget too.
I will temporarily terminate all services that do not have a cash value ROI
I will trust people’s actions and not be a martyr to their own growth, meaning I will teach them things and let them apply it on their own accord
I will accept who I am… a nerdy girl who is not a cool kid but loves style, good character, and spirituality in most forms of delivery (I’m not open for black magic) but I do love a good psychic and medium
I will let people show me who they are by stepping back and watching instead of leaning in and guiding.
I will spend more time alone. I’m an extrovert but clarity has shown me that I get a whole lot when I spend time alone. I actually like it.
Now, to the naked eye, some of this sounds bad. Like “Girl, your clarity is making you stingy and care less”. But for me, I’ve actually swung the pendulum too far in one direction and need to swing it back to the middle. That “too far in one direction” had an effect on my health, family, finances, and even spiritual satisfaction. In other words, I was doing too much. So with this clarity and the side effect of feeling anxious, I’m swinging back to the middle so things can flow better and I can be better. So, what clarity did 2023 bring to your life and how will you apply it, in action, in 2024?