The one goal that I have for next year is to enroll back in school. I went to college straight out of high school and attended Loyola Marymount University. I had so many goals for my future and college was the first step. Little did I know, college would be a struggle for me, which was totally different from high school. So, what happened and why is this my goal for next year?
I entered Loyola Marymount full of goals and ideas for what my future would bring. I planned on majoring in business and following my high school path of accounting. Freshman year started out great. I was enrolled in all the right classes and doing fairly well (at least I thought I was). Classes were not as easy as I thought they would be. I assumed since high school came so easy for me that college would be just as easy. Boy was I wrong. I never missed any of my classes, yet I was still not grasping the information. I was struggling in my business classes. I remember crying after my first accounting exam because I did not do well at all. How did I get an A in accounting in high school but was failing in college accounting? It just did not make much sense. First semester was a lot for me. My favorite singer passed away and then 9/11 happened. Trying to be the best roommate I could be because my roommate had a family affected by 9/11. It became harder and harder for me to focus. I was angry with myself because I was not succeeding the way everyone had hoped I would. What was wrong with me?
Why was college so hard? Why could I not stay focused? What would my mom think? Those were all the questions that were going through my mind daily. I kept working and studying and things started to get a little better. Second semester started off better. I used Christmas break to refocus and strategies for the next semester. Things were going good until my baby God-Sister lost her life. I could not get a grasp on all my classes. Things were getting out of my control. The classes I was excelling in had nothing to do with my business major. I decided that I needed to change my plans a bit by looking into a new major. After the change of my major school got a little better for me. I finally felt like I belonged in college. During my senior year I got pregnant with my first born. I stayed in school and only missed a few classes. I tried to stay as focused as possible with a newborn at home. I was doing good but it was just not enough. I had fallen behind too far. My financial aid would not cover my 5th year and I was out of options. I was devastated but there was nothing I could do. My dream of having my degree
officially fell between the cracks.
Four years ago, I tried to go back to school. I went back to LMU to find out what my options were. I was told I needed to come up with 20k and would have to almost start completely over. It was not the news I was expecting to hear. I walked back to my car in complete devastation. How could I push for my oldest to go to college to get a degree when I couldn't even get one myself and I was an excellent student in high school. I let myself down and my family down. In 2022 my son graduated from high school and got accepted into college. I was so happy for him but deep down I felt like a hypocrite. I was pushing him for something that I could not even complete myself. So what do I do?
Watching my son struggle his freshman year of college brought back way too many emotions. I was scared he was going down the same road I did. I did not give him the best example. It is my fault he was not doing well. We talked before his fall semester of sophomore year. We talked about what happened with me in college and how I wanted better for him. We discussed making this his priority to reach the goals he set for himself. As he finished up fall semester my son turned everything around and finished up with A’s and B’s. He did something I couldn't even do. I am one proud mom. Watching him and learning from him made me realize that I can do it. I can go back to school even if it means starting over. Following my dreams is the best example I can give to my sons. Enrolling back in school will make me feel complete. I worked really hard to get into college. I was told I would not be able to do it and for that I cannot allow those people to be right. I need to believe in myself more and go after the things I set my mind to. Going back to school next year is my number one goal because I owe it to myself to finish one of the biggest goals I set for myself. I owe it to myself.
I am going back to school!!!! I will get my degree!!!! I am so scared, but I have to do this. Failure is not an option this time. Fall 2024 is my time.