The Strong Black Woman Myth: The Emotional Cost of Carrying Everything

For generations, Black women have been praised for their resilience, independence, and ability to push through adversity without showing signs of struggle. While this strength may be celebrated, it can quietly become a burden that shapes how we move through the world and how we treat our own emotional needs. The Strong Black Woman myth teaches us that we must always be composed, always capable, and always ready to carry everyone else. But what happens when that strength becomes the very thing that prevents us from seeking help, resting, or admitting that we’re overwhelmed? 

The roots of this stereotype runs deep. Historically, Black women had to be caretakers, protectors, and providers even under the harshest circumstances. Over time, society began to expect Black women to be unbreakable. We’re taught not to complain, not to show vulnerability, and not to depend on anyone. The narrative is so ingrained that many of us internalize it without realizing it. Strength becomes a mask, a shield that keeps us from acknowledging our own pain or asking for support. And although the myth might appear empowering, it can quietly strip us of the space to be human. This pressure shows up in the mental health of many Black women. Constantly performing strength can lead to burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, emotional numbness, and guilt around rest. It becomes difficult to say “no”, to ask for help, or to admit that something is too heavy to carry alone. The world often sees us as strong first and human second, which makes it easy for our struggles to go unnoticed or dismissed. 

Currently as I live through my early adulthood as a college student, I experienced firsthand how this myth can shape daily life. I often felt like I had to manage everything myself: school, internships, part-time jobs, leadership roles, and family responsibilities, all while appearing perfectly in control. Even when I was exhausted or overwhelmed, I pushed through instead of asking for help. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone or seem like I wasn’t capable. I tied my worth to how much I could handle, not how I actually felt. Asking for help made me uncomfortable and being vulnerable felt like a rash. Instead of admitting that I needed support, I tried to be everyone’s problem solver while quietly carrying my own stress. These habits followed me throughout college, and even now as a senior , I am still learning how to unlearn them.

A moment that deeply shifted my perspective happened this past April, when I attended a scholarship fundraiser event filled with accomplished, successful Black women. The atmosphere was inspiring, but what stayed with me most was the host’s message. She emphasized, with such passion and clarity, the importance of guilt free rest for Black women. She spoke about how nothing disastrous would happen if we took time for ourselves and how the world would not fall apart if we paused, breathed, and allowed ourselves to be cared for. Hearing that, surrounded by women who had achieved so much, made something click for me. It was the first time I felt the message of rest, softness, and asking for help being affirmed so boldly in a room full of Black women. It showed me that prioritizing my well-being wasn’t selfish, instead a necessity.

Learning to redefine strength has been a critical part of healing. Real strength isn’t about ignoring your needs, it's about acknowledging them. It looks like asking for help without shame, resting without apology, setting boundaries, letting yourself feel emotions fully, and choosing softness instead of constant endurance. It means recognizing that you don’t have to be the strong one all the time, and you don't have to carry everything alone. Strength and vulnerability can coexist, and both are essential to well being. 

The Strong Black Woman myth was born from survival, but survival isn't the same as wellness. Black women deserve the space to be supported, to be cared for, and to experience ease without feeling guilty. We are more than our resilience. We are allowed to rest, to admit when we’re struggling, and to exist without performing strength every minute of every day. Letting go of this myth doesn't diminish our power, instead it allows us to reclaim it in a way that nurtures our emotional health and honors our full humanity.