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Birthdays Through a Grief Lens…or Not?


September 8th. Virgo baby. The sign of the greats: Beyonce, Michael Jackson, Dr. Plummer. Hahaha :)


But seriously, while I recognize you may not care about this National holiday: LaNail’s Birthday; you may care about why birthdays are so special to me and why I hope that they are special to you too.


Ok, let’s get this out of the way - yes, I like gifts and nice shit (see the previous blog post), but that is not my primary love language or the ways that I experience real joy. Instead, I prefer to celebrate my birthday with quality time with people that I can love, hug, and laugh with. I love to reflect over the past year and grieve the things that I did not accomplish but really wanted to…like really, really wanted to accomplish. I love to think about what was and what could have been…but to do it through a “glass half full” mindset. One in which I can be grateful to have another year to accomplish those things (like a roll-over plan) or decide to let them go (because maybe I learned a lesson and must accept that what I wanted is not good for me or not the right time).


See, the thing is, most people operate on a balance…trying to balance what did not happen versus what did…what is wrong versus what is right…what needs to happen versus what will actually happen. And with that, most people approach their birthday with one of two thoughts. “These are all the things I did,” or “These are allllll the things I didn’t do.” But, what if we opened the dam and allowed them to flow together? “This is what I didn’t do and I learned __,” or “This is what I didn’t do and it means __,” or “This is what I didn’t do and it’s ok”.


And sure, it would be far easier (and prettier) for me to sit here and tell you…just focus on the positive and let that lead your life. But the reality is for some folks, it doesn’t come naturally, especially in a society that tells us that everything we do is wrong and that we must do it their way: buy this product, or use this service…then it’ll all be better. So, instead of pretending or asking you to suppress the “what ifs,” let’s lean into them. Let’s identify what is real and be grateful that each and every birthday is a gift to do something different…to redefine ourselves, recreate ourselves, and walk into our own personal new year with a few goals in mind that are fully supported by flow!


And, just so you know, I’ll be teaching on my birthday and I’m super excited to bring in my new year, doing what feels right for me…and is on purpose to who the ancestors have allowed and reinforced me to be.


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