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He gave me everything I could ever need…. LOVE

My pain from losing him has been the joy of my life. Who says stuff like that?

A survivor of domestic violence.

I used to think that I was not pretty enough, strong enough or wise enough to be a wife, let alone a mother. The use of the word love was like a tool to keep me near but “love and abuse cannot coexist.” Gloria Jean Watkins, a renowned black feminist said it best in her book, “All about Love,” which discusses the aspects of love in modern society. As we open the month of October, let us continue the awareness of Domestic Violence. Understanding the impact of Domestic Violence is important.

Here are some RED FLAGS to look out for:

● They want to move too quickly into the relationship.

● Early in the relationship they flatter you constantly and seem “too good to be true.”

● They want you all to themselves; insist that you stop spending time with your

friends or family.

● They insist that you stop participating in hobbies, activities, quit school, or quit your


● They do not honor your boundaries.

● They are excessively jealous and accuse you of being unfaithful.

● They want to know where you are all the time and frequently call, email, and text you throughout the day.

● They criticize or put you down; say you are crazy, stupid, and/or fat/unattractive, or that no one else would ever want or love you.

● They take no responsibility for their behavior and blame others.

● They have a history of abusing others.

● They blame the entire failure of previous relationships on their former partner; for example, “My ex was totally crazy.”

● They take your money or run up your credit card debt.

● They rage out of control with you but can maintain composure around others.

There are many resources in your area for assistance.

Please call: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

or TTY 1-800-787-3224

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